How Your Thoughts Affect Your Words

Recently I experienced my feelings getting hurt by a loved one. It's amazing how much my mind wanted to keep re-experiencing the conversation-- turning it over and over again. It's as if there were a part of me that enjoyed inflicting emotional pain on myself. In doing my best to be impeccable with my word and not gossiping, I need to remember this is all a mental game. We speak what we think. If there is poison in our thoughts, there is poison in our words. There's a reason for the saying "get your mind off of it". When I get my mind off the negative, I can go on and live and be happy.

I dealt with my situation by speaking my truth and now as I write this I am letting it go. Why would I choose to focus on the one negative conversation that I had with this person when so many, if not all, of my other interactions have been purely positive and wonderful? By retelling the story and staying on the negative, I reinforce bad feelings for the relationship and that just makes me feel bad. I think there is great wisdom in cutting people some slack, not blowing things up too much by talking about it and getting on to more fruitful mental ground.

Peace everyone.

What the Real Housewives Have Taught Me About Gossiping

Last weekend I got sucked into an episode of the Real Housewives of New York. In a nutshell it's a show that highlights the gossiping and tantrum-throwing behavior of female homo sapiens. It's so very ridiculous. So much so that I could not turn it off. As I continue on my journey to stop gossiping and be impeccable with my word, I had to explore the question, why am I attracted to seeing women at their worst? Here is what I came up with:

First, I think watching the lengths people will go to for an elongated camera moment is fascinating and something I can relate to. I was a class clown at my high school and while some of that means I like to have fun, another part of it is that I needed to be the center of attention-- a lot. So I guess getting kicked out of class and showing up to dances in roller skates was a way to be funny but also a way to get attention. So I am intrigued in watching others who totally throw decorum out the window in an effort to draw attention to themselves. At the heart of it though is some sadness. Needing approval in the way of attention is a disease I have suffered from and still struggle with on occasion. Maybe watching these women is a way for me to see how I've grown over the years. I do relate to them and I guess in a way, feel sad for them (because I know that sadness)...

Second, I'm also interested in seeing women my own age and the paths they've chosen. What is it like to be a Manhattan socialite? Also, I love to see these 40-somethings struggling with the vanity issue, as I do. Beauty is fading for us all and I like to see how they are dealing with it (mostly with surgery). I think my shallowness loves the company of their shallowness.

Third, I think I am enjoying watching people engage in a behavior that I am trying to change in myself. On some level maybe it is cathartic to watch them gossip and speak their minds. Ultimately though, I think for me it has had the effect of reinforcing my goal to watch what comes out of my mouth. Maybe this goes with the vanity point above, but gossiping and continually playing from the "small self" is really unattractive. Having played in that sandbox for a long time, I know that it always leads to bad feelings about myself. So watching it on television is as powerful as it was to look at the lungs of a smoker in science class to keep me from smoking.

I'm reading "The Happiness Project" right now and she mentioned one of her commandments is to "act the way you want to feel". I just loved that. I hate the way I feel when I engage my lower self. I love the way I feel when I acknowledge that I want to go there, but I refrain. It really, for me, holds my self-esteem in place.

Gossip Diet- Not Recommended for Weight Loss

I know I've beat the diet analogy to a bone, but this gossip fast is making me fat! I'm totally serious here-- I cannot stop eating chocolate. Could it be that my old ways of talking were actually somewhat medicinal and cathartic-- maybe even fun? Is letting go of expressing every little impulse driving me into a new addiction of sweet tasting endorphins? Or maybe this experience is making me feel like I have to stuff my words down- literally-with every carbohydrate in my cupboard.

When I started this whole thing a couple weeks ago, I envisioned my mouth as having a religious experience, almost like being born again. No longer would it be a cauldron of bad juju. Instead as I went through the day speaking only truth and love I would begin to transform, growing more and more beautiful with each passing sentence. As I cleansed my tongue of all this negativity, it would spill over into my eating habits too. I imagined it would only be a few weeks before I was eating only foods straight from the ground- created purely by mother earth. Not long thereafter, I would turn into the Princess I always dreamed I could be: 10 pounds lighter, 10 years younger and 10 times wealthier. Being impeccable with my word- my own Garden of Eden.

Could it maybe just possibly be, that my expectations are too high? I think I have to seriously consider that. Perhaps I've turned to chocolate because it gives me the temporary sense of bliss I have been counting on from this little experiment. Maybe it's time to drop the fairy tale. But I can't! Really it's the fairy tale that is keeping me going. Not the dream of castles and unicorns, but of a magical life surrounded by beauty. I know that my life is a magical life surrounded by beauty, but I'm still adjusting my focus. This word-thing is helping with all of that.

I'm sticking to the fairy tale. I guess that means I'll just have to endure the extra pounds for now. I'm holding out that what I gain from this whole thing, in the end, will be much greater than just weight.

Husbands, Partying and Gossip

This weekend was challenging for a couple of reasons: first, my husband came home after two weeks of being on the road. You gotta understand—I have some pretty deeply imbedded communication patterns with him. I’m used to verbally indulging my bad mind whenever the mood strikes. But this weekend for most of our conversations- the sober ones at least- I was able to be pretty impeccable. Even when he asked me some provocative questions, I stayed true to my promise. I have to say, he was quite impressed and I did pass my first challenge!

Then came challenge number two: Partying.

They say alcohol is truth serum, so it’s to be expected that I would get a little looser with my tongue and return to my catty ways while under the influence. Over the course of the evening, a couple slip-ups occurred. Each time after it was already out, I threw both of my hands over my mouth and said, “Oh no, I wasn’t impeccable with my word!” Before I beat myself up too much, for every blunder there were at least a few times where I was able to stop myself. I realize that this challenge was a bit too advanced for me. I got a lot more work to do before walking into the drunken cobra’s den again.

Though I messed up a couple times, I think being able to reel myself in while sporting a decent buzz is a very good sign that this new way of thinking is starting to penetrate my subconscious. That’s where I want to take this thing- where it is so ingrained in my mind that it becomes my natural state of being.

My husband woke me up yesterday morning and said "Honey, I was being impeccable with my word in my dreams." I think he has me beat.