Word Slaying the Jerks

Here's the toughest one for me: dealing with jerks. Jerks warrant a good tongue lashing behind their backs, right? I mean, most jerks catch you by surprise in their jerkiness. You're not expecting a thing and then- WHAM-- out of the far left cubicle flies an insult. When this sort of thing has happened to me, I feel vulnerable and hurt. I feel wronged. So wronged, in fact, that I place myself in that special category of people called Victims.

Since I have been looking at what makes me speak unkindly about others I see that it is usually when I feel that I have been victimized by someone. When I go into victim mode I am wanting others to acknowledge that I've been screwed over, but more than that, I am really trying to get even. If I tell everyone what a jerk this guy is, then no one will like him and that will make it all better. In this way, I have used my word as a weapon and "stabbed him in the back".

By thinking of myself as a victim, I feel justified in bringing someone down and have magically transformed myself from victim to perpetrator. The truth is that when I use my word as a sword it puts me on the same level as the perpretrator. Think of all of the violence that has been inflicted on mankind (wars, murders) because someone thought they'd been wronged and were justified in righting it.

If I change my victim thoughts-- because changing my mouth is really about changing my mind-- by practicing the second and third agreements, I can change my behavior. The second agreement is to not make assumptions. Maybe that person who flung the insult really didn't mean it the way I interpreted it. If they did, the third agreement tells me not to take it personally. Lastly, it is also about standing up for myself in the moment. If I am courageous and speak my truth in the moment, I won't go away with my tail between my legs feeling wounded and bruised and seeking revenge.

The road to inner peace is to avoid the victim mode all together, including labeling people as jerks. Viktor Frankl didn't feel like a victim after all he endured in the concentration camps. What a great example of avoiding victim thinking and finding real peace.