I know I've beat the diet analogy to a bone, but this gossip fast is making me fat! I'm totally serious here-- I cannot stop eating chocolate. Could it be that my old ways of talking were actually somewhat medicinal and cathartic-- maybe even fun? Is letting go of expressing every little impulse driving me into a new addiction of sweet tasting endorphins? Or maybe this experience is making me feel like I have to stuff my words down- literally-with every carbohydrate in my cupboard.
When I started this whole thing a couple weeks ago, I envisioned my mouth as having a religious experience, almost like being born again. No longer would it be a cauldron of bad juju. Instead as I went through the day speaking only truth and love I would begin to transform, growing more and more beautiful with each passing sentence. As I cleansed my tongue of all this negativity, it would spill over into my eating habits too. I imagined it would only be a few weeks before I was eating only foods straight from the ground- created purely by mother earth. Not long thereafter, I would turn into the Princess I always dreamed I could be: 10 pounds lighter, 10 years younger and 10 times wealthier. Being impeccable with my word- my own Garden of Eden.
Could it maybe just possibly be, that my expectations are too high? I think I have to seriously consider that. Perhaps I've turned to chocolate because it gives me the temporary sense of bliss I have been counting on from this little experiment. Maybe it's time to drop the fairy tale. But I can't! Really it's the fairy tale that is keeping me going. Not the dream of castles and unicorns, but of a magical life surrounded by beauty. I know that my life is a magical life surrounded by beauty, but I'm still adjusting my focus. This word-thing is helping with all of that.
I'm sticking to the fairy tale. I guess that means I'll just have to endure the extra pounds for now. I'm holding out that what I gain from this whole thing, in the end, will be much greater than just weight.
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We are who we are - with all our feelings . . . I am continually reminded of this in my own journey. For me, if those feelings cannot get out in one way, they get medicated in another . . . feelings are not right or wrong - they are just our feelings - they just "are."
ReplyDeletePerhaps writing them down and letting them go into the flame?
I'm enjoying reading about your journey :-)
Thanks A. Yes--and feelings and thoughts are so closely tied. It's amazing how focusing on changing the conditioned thoughts can have a positive effect on feelings. But-- they are there nonetheless and journeling and burning is a great release. Thanks for the idea.
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